tracing a chronic killjoy
I made it
“I made it!” was a sentence I had written on the display note next to the red and purple clay butterfly I made for an art show when I was 7. I recently incorporated it into a tattoo I designed - this is the first image below.
These images are largely from my most recent notebook, with a few of my paintings.
These are some of the traces I hope I don’t have to leave behind.
There is one sort of cut off mention of sexual violence about 3/4 of the way down.
After I wrote “Asocial, Dysfluent, & Unconventional - Oh My,” I was trying to make sure I remembered how to say, “Der Richtungsbegriff in der Psychologie. Der spezielle und allgemeine hodologische Raum,” for a voice note to make it accessible. I lost my linguistic capacities, including my fluency in Spanish and small spattering of French, German, Latin, Portuguese, and Mandarin after my last concussion. They somehow started to return on the recent Hunter Supermoon in Aries (my 12th house)???
The first search returned this article, “Ships in Doubt and the Totality of Possible Events,” which relates to the Ship of Fools and my own spiritual practice with ships, captaining, and those who have died by drowning, which shows Masson’s (1934) L’Anus solaire (yes, the Sun’s anus, it’s a parody) in a similar style to ‘traces’ - a print on post-it that shows how I view doodling as energy work and a tattoo I am planning to get when I have the funds - with an added bonus of an almost desecrated animism in comparison to the illustration on the cover of the Glass Menagerie.
For nuanced takes on the Ship of Fools beyond Foucault’s work, see Bruce’s (2017) Mad is a place; or, the slave ship tows the ship of fools and Robert Hornback’s work on fools and blackface.
But it was Eisenstein’s designs from Notes for a General History of Cinema, 1945–46, that stood out to me - how they resemble my own and are in a museum.
And though I had realized I deserved to exist - despite all odds - seeing this made me realized my body of work, a body that exists even beyond the limits of Eisenstein’s designs, deserves to exist too.
